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The House Rules

Title: The House Rules
Fandom: Leverage
Series: Jukebox Musical
Pairings: Eliot/Hardison; past Hardison/Parker
Rating: NC-17/Hard R at least
Word Count: 3069
Disclaimer: If I owned it, the soundtrack would be Kane.
Summary: Eliot is ridiculously sexy when he's singing - on this Hardison and the clientele of their brew pub agree.


Alec will never admit it but Fridays are his favorite night.

Their gastropub is always packed then, every table jammed with people ordering food and alcohol, and he's going to shove the popularity of his hicama plum stout in Eliot's face next time the hitter starts in on his brews. Just because the man is a genius in the kitchen – and really his chili should be declared a sin – Eliot thinks he knows everything about everything food related and Alec needs all the ammunition he can get.

But that's not why he loves Fridays and the hacker settles at the bar as the real reason struts into view. The open mike nights had been Sophie's idea – another exercise for her little acting minions – but they had become so popular that he had decided to continue the tradition years after she was gone.

At least, that's what Alec claims whenever someone asks him and the wait staff has learned not to be too curious about anything by now. Though, to be honest, the only one he really wants to keep this secret from is Eliot because the other man is already way too smug about how hot he is. So while the hitter totally knows that his voice makes Alec's knees all shaky if the way he talks in bed is any indication, admitting it is a whole 'nother thing. This way Alec can at least pretend that his nerves aren't thrumming with anticipation when Eliot steps up to the mike again.

It had taken a con to get the hitter to sing before an audience again and even that had required a lot of wheedling. But their target had been poisoning children and Eliot never could resist a kid in need. So the team used a combination Fiddle Sale and Lazy Dachshund to destroy the corrupt idiot who had wanted to be Vanilla Ice when he was young.

Because apparently being rich gives you craptastic taste in music, Alec snorts, remembering the rhymes that the guy had tried to throw down.

However, while a well paid audience had given their mark a standing ovation – nothing like free beer to make people cheer for anything – they had needed at least one other act that didn’t suck and open mike nights were kind of hit or miss that way. So Parker decided that Eliot was going to play himself for once and shoved him up on stage with a guitar in his hands.

Alec keeps the video of that performance in a special folder on his computer, triply encrypted and far away from anything that the hitter might ever see. It’s right there next to Eliot’s fake Japanese commercial and all those shirtless photos of his teammates that the hacker totally doesn’t have.

Because as much as he and Parker had teased the hitter about the sudden influx of fans hanging around the brew pub, Eliot's voice really was a thing of beauty in all its ridiculous smoky sexiness. So maybe Alec had jumped the other man as soon as the con was over, tackling Eliot into the bedroom and growling all kinds of sordid nonsense into his ear, and maybe that was why the hitter had decided to get back on stage again.

Alec has never asked since Eliot's glare had promised serious injury to anyone who commented – violence is how he deals with embarrassment after all – and the hacker really doesn't want him to change his mind.

He and Parker are actually in total agreement on this since the thief is also quite fond of musical Eliot and she hops up on the bar next to him just like she does every week. The pair trades a grin as Parker hands Alec a bowl of something steaming, probably one of the hitter's experiments. She always steals his new recipes from the kitchen before anyone else can try them and after her run as a food critic, the thief became a pretty good judge of what would be popular.

Whatever the heck this is is definitely going on the menu because the first bite is practically orgasmic and Alec gets a bit distracted until Eliot's voice draws his attention back to the stage.

“Hey everyone. You should know who I am by now,” the hitter says, settling his guitar strap across his chest to a chorus of semi-drunken cheers. “I don't know if y'all missed me last week but I've got something new for you today. This song is dedicated to every drunken idiot that I've had to throw out of here for making trouble; try to keep it under wraps this time.”

He strums a couple chords before his finds his rhythm and when the first rocking beat rings out through the pub, Alec knows this Friday is going to be one of his favorites yet. So the hacker leans back against the bar and enjoys the curl of heat in his stomach as Eliot's voice washes over him.

“Welcome to my house
Buckle up tight
Everybody sings and drinks and laughs and gets high.
It's a country music
A little soul,
It's a rock 'n roll rodeo.
We don't tolerate no sittin' around
Everybody's dancin', groovin' and gettin' on down.
So before you come in here with some kinda attitude
You better read the house rules.”

While Alec was never particularly fond of country music growing up, Eliot has converted him; somehow the hitter manages to make cowboy rock sound absolutely filthy and Alec would listen to a whole lot worse to see his man strut like that. Him and half the bar given the way that some of these women are eyeing Eliot, so it's a good thing that the hacker has never been the jealous type.

Maybe he would have been more insecure a few years ago when they first got together, but after everything that their team has been through, Alec trusts the other man to stick with him faithfully. Plus Eliot is well aware of what the hacker can do with a computer and retribution would be both swift and merciless.

But, of course, it's never going to come to that and Alec mostly just feels smug when the hitter winks at him from the stage.

“Around eleven o'clock
When the front door locks
And the boys start raising the bottle,
Where the girls do the thing with the Mardi Gras beads
Yeah you know they're gonna show 'em if they got 'em.
And no matter what your story
A good time is mandatory.
Well rule number seven says don't touch the women
But they can grab whatever they want to...”

This song is just so very Eliot: a little rough, a little smug and a whole lot of I can kick your ass. However, it also makes a pretty good introduction for anyone new to the Bridgeport Brew Pub and Alec is seriously considering printing out a list of rules to tape up on the wall. Number one would definitely be don't piss off Parker when she's injured and number seven doesn't sound half bad. Actually, now that he thinks about it, Ten Tips to Surviving Thief Juice would be a great name for a specials menu and the hacker will have to get on that as soon as he has a chance.

Which will be sometime after, Eliot finishes his epic guitar solo because they're meeting another client tomorrow and it may be awhile before the team has a Friday off again. Besides, Eliot can get pissy when he thinks he isn't being properly appreciated and an unhappy Eliot doesn't let Alec play World of Warcraft without bitching mightily.

So the hacker shoves aside all thought of laminated wall charts to meet his lover's lazy smile, incredibly thankful that no one can tell when black guys are blushing. But that grin is the best kind of promise: wicked, filthy and a bit fond as well.

Eliot sings one last repetition of the chorus before ending the song with a flourish and half the pub starts shouting for an encore over the applause. But it doesn't look like the hitter feels like it tonight because he just waves them off and hops off the stage instead, leaving the mike open for anyone who wants to go on next. Of course, no one ever wants to follow immediately after Eliot so it looks like Open Mike Night is done for now.

Though, knowing their customers, someone will down enough liquid courage to get up there eventually. Probably sooner rather than later because Alec saw a couple of Sophie's former students in the crowd earlier and those guys are long past embarrassment.

Not that the hacker has any attention to spare for their antics when Eliot is stalking toward him with that same wicked grin on his face.

“Did you enjoy the show, babe?” the other man murmurs, his breath a hot whisper on Alec's skin as he crowds the hacker back against the bar. It's pretty much a rhetorical question at this point since Eliot can feel exactly how much he enjoyed it, but the hitter likes Alec to admit his attraction whenever possible. Probably because the hacker always makes him work for it and tonight is no exception to this rule.

“I don't know, man; I thought you got a little pitchy in that last part,” Alec retorts just to be difficult and maybe, just maybe, so that Eliot growls again. With the hitter pressed tight against him, the vibration goes straight to his cock and his pants are quickly becoming uncomfortably snug.

Although, that's a pretty normal state of affairs when Eliot's around so Alec just grabs the other man by his belt loops and pulls him in for a kiss. He isn't planning anything too risqué considering their location, but Eliot has a way of overriding his common sense.

So that first press of lips quickly turns into something far more heated and while it sometimes amuses Alec that the hitter has to lean up to kiss him, Eliot has never let that stop him from taking control. The man is just too damn good at this, getting under Alec’s skin like he belongs there, and the hacker is perfectly happy to go along for the ride.

“Does this mean you finally decided I could watch?” Parker’s unbearably perky question snaps Alec back into his body like she’d zapped him with her Taser and he shoves Eliot back a step or two. Well, he tries to shove Eliot, but his embarrassed flailing ricochets off the hitter’s chest without any noticeable effect.

“Parker!” Alec whines as he gives up on moving, turning his head to glare at his former girlfriend instead. Admittedly, his glare does falter somewhat when Eliot takes this opportunity to nibble on his neck, but the hacker perseveres. “We talked about this when we broke up. Sexy times are private times and there are no exceptions.

“Not even Russians, I know. But you’re the ones making out in the middle of our restaurant so I assumed you changed your mind.”

“She has a point, babe,” Eliot murmurs as his hands tug the hacker even closer. “Or did you forget about our audience?”

To be honest, Alec had forgotten and his face flames when he finally looks around the gastropub and sees everyone watching them. He may not be shy but no one needs to be hearing the kind of embarrassing noises that the hitter pulls from him, particularly not people who see him as their boss. Alec has to keep some dignity after all and he’s sorely tempted to fire everyone who’s staring now.

“This is all your fault, El,” he grumbles, though his lover doesn’t seem particularly phased by his complaint. “You keep Jedi mind tricking me with your stupidly attractive face and lips and hands an-”

Alec’s litany of grievances cuts off sharply when the hitter kisses him again, the words muffled into unintelligibility by the other’s mouth. Eliot only pulls back once the hacker stops trying to talk through him, smirking at his lover’s dazed expression before growling at the room.

“Show’s over, people. Go back to your beer,” the hitter snarls, their audience quickly finding other things to focus on. For while his hair has gained streaks of grey in the years since Leverage 2.0 was founded, Eliot's gaze has lost none of its ferocity. No one is better than his man at putting “I will fuck you up” into a facial expression and Alec has to admit that it makes him hot again.

So he doesn't even put up a token show of resistance when Eliot grabs his hand and pulls him toward the back of the pub, just thanks his stars that they keep a room up top. It's come in handy more than once already (for PC things, he swears), and maybe tonight they'll finally manage to break the bed. This has been a goal of Alec's for a while now since Eliot refuses to let him replace the mattress without a better reason than the springs fucking suck.

Of course, that's assuming they ever make it to the bed and with the hitter, this is never guaranteed. Sure Alec has always had a vivid imagination, but Eliot introduced him to sex in places he didn't think were possible and he really needs to talk to the other man about his exhibitionist streak.

Glass elevators? Not sexy. Really not sexy. Well, maybe a little sexy considering that Alec came so hard that he saw stars, but that's just because manhandling makes him forget himself.

Seriously, the fact that Eliot can lift him up without breaking a sweat is damn attractive since the hacker had mostly slept with girls before and he bites back a moan when his lover hoists him up the wall. The other man pins Alec there with his hips as he dives in for another kiss, plundering his mouth with a single-minded intensity that takes Alec’s breath away.

So he wraps one arm around the hitter's neck and pulls him closer, locking his legs around Eliot's waist to keep him there. Not that his lover has any intention of leaving, the other man starting up a lazy grind against Alec's hips that has him rock hard in an embarrassingly short amount of time.

But Eliot's rhythm is just slow enough to keep things interesting, driving the hacker out of his mind with pleasure without allowing him to come.

“You are a damn tease, you know that?” Alec finally groans, pushing back from the hitter's mouth to pant against his neck. Every time he tries to speed things up, Eliot just pins his hips to the wall in retaliation, those large hands holding him down easily. “I don't know why I put up with your crazy ass when you do shit like this.”

“Because you love it,” his lover murmurs smugly and it would probably be easier to argue the point if Alec's wasn't so damn hard right now. As it is, a shift of Eliot's hips turns the hacker's retort into a moan, his head jerking back to knock against the wall.

“Hey, now. Can't have you damaging that clever brain of yours,” Eliot says, one hand coming up to cradle the back of Alec's skull. Then he steps away from the wall, carrying the hacker's weight like it's nothing as he walks them to the bed. Things get a little tangled when the hitter tries to drop Alec on the blankets, his lover's grip on his waist pulling both of them down. But Eliot just rolls with it, nuzzling the hacker's skin with a fond smile while Alec tries to catch his breath.

Then a quick twist of his body frees Eliot to sink down to his knees, pulling his lover’s hips to the edge of the bed. Alec's cock jerks in anticipation when the hitter starts in on his pants, unzipping them carefully before pulling the fabric down off his ass.

Eliot smirks up at Alec for a second, just long enough that the hacker starts to get impatient, and then he bends his head to swallow his lover down. The man has no gag reflex, seriously none, so the hitter doesn't stop until Alec's cock taps the back of his throat.

Alec is pretty sure he's babbling already and he would be embarrassed if he had time for shame right now. But all his attention is focused on the sight of Eliot's mouth wrapped around his dick like it’s a lollipop and he’s never going to get used to that. He never wants to and when Eliot starts moving, the hacker just digs his fingers into the sheets and holds on for the ride. His lover is as single-minded in this as in everything else, his rhythm just on this side of punishing, and Alec isn't going to last very long.

Not when the hitter knows exactly what he likes and uses it to his advantage, humming around Alec's cock as he rolls his balls in one hand. Just the right amount of pressure there, his other hand stroking along the hacker's perineum and as soon as Eliot does that thing with his tongue, that's the end of it.

“Ah, fuck!” Alec shouts, falling back onto the bed as he comes into his lover's mouth. Eliot swallows everything, chasing a few stray drops with his tongue before shimmying up to kiss the hacker one more time. Alec grimaces slightly at the taste but he’s hardly going to shove the other man away after a fantastic blow job and it doesn't take long before there's nothing left but Eliot instead.

“Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?” Alec asks as soon as his brain comes back online. He can feel his lover's cock pressing against his thigh and he'll get to that in a moment; he just has to remember how to make his fingers bend.

But Eliot doesn't seem like he's in any kind of hurry, the hitter resting his chin on Alec's chest and grinning down at him. “Weren’t you listening, Hardison? You’re the house around here and the house always wins.”


End