Antarctica-or-bust (rata_toskr) wrote,

Lost in Translation

In case I forgot to mention it before- all of my userpics are borrowed and credit goes to the fantastic people who made the originals.

Title: Lost in Translation
Pairings: Kíli/Bilbo/Fíli
Rating/Warnings: NSFW; threesome, frottage, ear kink
Word Count: 2483
Disclaimer: What do you think?
Summary: Fíli and Kíli try to court an oblivious Bilbo; frustration and misunderstandings ensue.

His brother's pining over the hobbit was really starting to annoy him. Not because Fíli didn't understand the attraction, in fact he understood it far too well, but Kíli's yearning gazes were making it very hard for him to ignore the ache in his own heart.

So the next time his brother sat by the fire and stared longingly at the hobbit across the flames, Fíli reached out and punched him in the shoulder, hard.

“What was that for?” Kíli asked, turning accusing eyes on the other dwarf.

“You were pining again and I'm sick of it.” Fíli replied. “W- you should either court him properly or give it up right now.”

His brother frowned at him, eyes narrowing in thought. “But what about uncle? You know he won't approve. And- you almost said 'we' didn't you?”

Fíli winced, of all the times for his brother to be observant. “No I didn't. It was just a slip of the tongue.”

“Yes you did. Hah, I knew it!” Kíli replied gleefully. “Well that solves that then. I wasn't going to defy uncle on my own, but this is perfect. He can hardly deny both of us, at least not if we only tell him afterward.”

“Don't be stupid. You fell for him first and so I'll just distract Thorin while you make your move.”

“Oh no, you do not get to pull that self-sacrificing thing on me. We are sharing him like we share everything else and that is that. And if Bilbo refuses to accept both of us then we can drown our broken hearts together because I am not leaving you behind. So help me figure out how we should do this”

Fíli gave in to the inevitable and did as his brother asked, sitting beside him while they worked out their plan of attack. The two princes decided that they should start out slow and ease the hobbit into the idea of loving both of them at once, because they weren't sure how Shirefolk felt about these sort of things. But surely the act of courting itself couldn't be all that different across cultural lines?


They began implementing their plan the very next day, giving Kíli the first move since his pining had been far more obvious.

So while Fíli drew Thorin's attention with a discussion of their dwindling supplies, the younger dwarf threw an arm around Bilbo's shoulders as they sat next to each other by the fire and Fíli had to smile at his brother's delight when the hobbit snuggled into the embrace. Even though their uncle eventually noticed and frowned the two apart, it was a good start and the dwarves had hopeful dreams that night.

Indeed everything seemed to be going according to plan over the next few days as each brother made physical overtures that were quite well received. Every time they traded off, Fíli and Kíli became a little bolder and a little more touchy-feely, finding reasons to stroke Bilbo's cheek and run their fingers down his arm. To their great delight, the hobbit did the same, cuddling into the brothers when one sat near him and hugging and touching them out of the blue.

At the end of that first week Kíli could not stop grinning whenever Bilbo was near and Fíli knew that his smiles too had gained a fonder tilt. Since their hobbit definitely seemed to share their interest, the princes recruited Bofur to help them in their cause and the other dwarf became Thorin's minder in their stead.

Now they could walk with Bilbo sandwiched between them and he appeared to thrive on the extra attention, laughing and joking with the brothers as they traveled on. He was happier then than he had been since their journey started and every time the hobbit smiled, Fíli felt a sense of satisfaction at their part in that. After nearly another week of this they were almost inseparable and the dwarves decided that it was time to start phase four of their plan.

Phase four, or as Kíli liked to call it: “the down and dirty threesome,” was unfortunately where everything went wrong. It wasn't that the hobbit refused them or picked one brother over the other, it was that he didn't even seem to notice that phase four existed. No matter how obvious the princes tried to make their carnal intentions, Bilbo reacted as if they were promising to be best friends forever instead.

By this time most of the other dwarves had noticed their dilemma and they periodically pulled the brothers aside to offer them advice. This ranged from the entirely unhelpful, “I brought my wife down with an axe,” to the plausible but infinitely distressing idea, “Maybe hobbits just don't have sex.”

However, even the more normal suggestions weren't of any use and as the princes' frustration grew so too did their companions hilarity. After one too many sniggers from over Nori's way, Fíli finally just marched over to Bilbo and kissed him deeply, the hobbit melting against him in a way that made him dare to hope again. Of course then the other ruined it by patting the dwarf on the cheek like a child and returning to his conversation as though Fíli hadn't done anything at all.

“What the hell was that?” Kíli mouthed over Bilbo's shoulder and his brother could only shrug helplessly, because at this point he had no idea what was going on.

“Maybe we should just tell him,” The older dwarf suggested, the next time they huddled together to talk about their plan. “I'm not sure Bilbo will ever notice us otherwise.”

“You could be right, but you know I'm no good with things like this. And you're not much better; I remember what happened when you had that crush on Darja back in Ered Luin.” His brother replied dejectedly. “We'd probably just screw things up.”

“I thought we weren't ever going to mention that again?” Fíli hissed before slumping down next to Kíli. “But all things considered we should probably leave talking as a last resort. Only I'm running out of other ideas. At this point about the only thing we haven't tried is throwing him down and ravishing him.”

“And why can't we just do that again?” Kíli asked, looking at his brother cheekily, but he knew as well as Fíli that this would hardly be appropriate and they wanted to court the hobbit right.

However, after several more days of this obliviousness, ravishing Bilbo was starting to look like the only way the brothers would ever get their point across and so the two of them were almost ready to give up. Until one incredibly windy day when Kíli reached out to gentle tuck a wayward lock of hair back behind the hobbit's ear.

When the prince touched him, Bilbo started and blushed violently, looking at him like he'd never seen the dwarf before. He opened his mouth once as if to speak but nothing came out and his face grew even redder next to Kíli's frozen hand. No one moved for a moment while Fíli stared at the pair in shock and then the hobbit turned away and fled back to the others without another word.

Staring after Bilbo's retreating form in consternation, the younger dwarf asked his brother slowly. “Do you think he liked that? It looked like he did. Did you see that blush?”

“Yeah. In Mahal's name what did you do? That's the first time we've managed to get any reaction at all.”

Kíli shrugged, looking as confused as his brother felt. “I don't know. All I did was tuck his hair behind his ear and then he ran off.”

“Maybe it has something to do with hair, like how dwarves braid their beards.” Fíli offered, but after a moment the other dwarf shook his head.

“No, it can't be. Remember, you ruffled his hair a week ago and he didn't seem to notice?”

“Oh, right.” Fíli thought awhile longer but nothing was coming to mind until his brother spoke up hesitantly.

“I think it might have been his ear. Bilbo didn't blush until I actually grazed it and you know how they're always covered? I'm pretty sure we've never touched him there before.”

“You are a genius, that must be it,” the dwarf declared after thinking it over. Then he wrapped Kíli in a tight hug before asking with a wicked grin. “Now, what exactly do you think we should do about that?”


It took them a couple days to corner the hobbit away from the rest of the company and Bilbo looked very embarrassed when Fíli and Kíli backed him up against a tree. They were careful not to touch him for now and the way the hobbit stammered when they asked for an explanation was the most adorable thing either of them had ever seen.

“I need to apologize for the other day,” he muttered, staring at his feet. “I shouldn't have run off on you but you startled me. Among hobbits that's just not done unless you're serious and I know it was only a misunderstanding and you didn't mean it, but I've never been proposed to before. So it's all right now- I'll be more careful and we can keep being friends instead.”

“But what if we did mean it?” Fíli replied, and smiled when Bilbo glanced at him with startled eyes.

“What if we think you're the best thing we've ever seen and we want exactly what you thought?” Kíli added, leaning in on the hobbit's other side.

“I- I-...Both of you?” Bilbo asked, voice soft with disbelief. “You're interested in me?”

“Of course both of us, we're Fíli and Kíli remember?” The older dwarf said teasingly as his brother interjected. “Or Kíli and Fíli if you prefer looks before age.”

But then his smile dropped and his voice turned serious again. “Neither of us are good with words so we tried to show you how we felt but that hasn't gone very well either. However, we do like you, more than a fine dagger or our mother's cooking and if you'll have us, then we'd love to have you.”

Bilbo looked slightly confused by this declaration so Fíli reached out to stroke a finger down the hobbit's ear and he flushed again as understanding lit within his eyes.

“Really we mean it, sex and marriage and putting up with us through good and sick and bad.” Kíli added, wrapping his hand gently around Bilbo's other ear and grinning when the hobbit let out a strangled moan.

His eyes slid half shut with pleasure and Fíli couldn't resist leaning in to lick a stripe from tip to lobe. When he did, Bilbo actually gasped and arched against him as the dwarf met his brother's eyes and grinned.

The pair of them pressed the hobbit back into the tree, one on each side, and turned their attention to seeing what lovely noises he could make. Fíli ran his tongue along the edge of Bilbo's earlobe as he worked his hand beneath the other's shirt and when he nipped gently with his teeth, the hobbit shuddered against him with a cry.

Meanwhile Kíli was busy as well, one finger stroking along the tip of Bilbo's right ear while the dwarf knelt in front of him, nosing his brother's hand aside to get at the skin beneath. The hobbit's stomach was soft and white and he trembled beautifully when Kíli sucked a mark into his hip, his cock jumping with Fíli's every breath. The older dwarf was alternating licks with filthy whispers and he had to groan himself at the way the hobbit came apart beneath their hands.

When Kíli finally left off his teasing, Fíli sucked hard on the hobbit's ear just as his brother took him into his mouth and Bilbo keened desperately at the tight heat, writhing against them both. The younger dwarf kept his pace slow as he bobbed up and down, pinning the hobbit's hips hard against the tree so that he could do nothing but take what the other chose to give.

By this point Bilbo was begging, a soft litany of their names and pleas, punctuated by sharp gasps each time Fíli nipped his ear again. The dwarf looked down and the sight of the flushed cock disappearing between his brother's lips made his knees go weak. He pressed against Bilbo's side urgently as he muttered dirty promises, rutting against him until Kíli poked him in the hip.

Then Fíli tangled his fingers in his brother's hair and pulled him upright slowly, the younger dwarf's mouth leaving the hobbit's dick with a soft pop. He nudged the younger dwarf over and took his place, wrapping his own lips around Bilbo as Kíli pulled the hobbit into a filthy kiss.

The sound of their moans above him made Fíli shudder and he rubbed his hand against his own length while he sucked Bilbo deep. He was a good size for his height and the salty thickness of him made the dwarf's cock twitch when it brushed gently against the back of his throat. Fíli hummed contently, tracing the hobbit's length from root to tip as he savored the taste and the way the other shuddered beneath his tongue.

Kíli took this opportunity to pull Bilbo closer, thrusting roughly into the other's mouth as his hand wrapped around his ear again. But the hobbit didn't seem to mind, throwing an arm around the dwarf's neck and returning the kiss before breaking away to moan against the other's lips.

While he was distracted, Bilbo's hand snuck down Kíli's pants and when those small fingers wrapped around the dwarf's cock it was his turn to moan. All three of them were close now, riding the high of their shared pleasure and it did not take much longer for them to tumble down.

The hobbit lost control first, the combination of Fíli humming around his dick and his brother's teasing along his ear enough to send him over the edge, head slamming back with a cry as he spilled into the dwarf's mouth. Moments later the two princes brought themselves to completion, coming over their fingers with deep groans. Knees failing, the three of them slumped down toward the ground, the hobbit sandwiched between his lovers in a sticky tangled mess where they leaned against a tree.

Bilbo dozed off quickly, head resting on Kíli's shoulder and the dwarf smiled down at him before shooting his brother a satisfied grin. “So I think I'm going to take that as a yes.”


Tags: Fíli, crack, fi/bi/ki, fic, fluff, mid-series, nsfw, the hobbit
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