Antarctica-or-bust (rata_toskr) wrote,

An Unexpected Christmas

Apparently I like to write Christmas poems in May, go figure.  But anyway this will make the most sense if you read it to the rhythm of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Title: An Unexpected Christmas
Pairings: Fíli/Bilbo/Kíli, onesided Thilbo and Boffins, minor Thorin/Bofur
Word Count: 648
Disclaimer: If I owned the hobbit everyone would live.
Summary: Bilbo's company shows up in the Shire to celebrate Christmas after their quest is done.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Shire
Every hobbit is sitting with friends by the fire,
They're drinking hot cocoa and singing in rounds
Except in Bag End where no one is around.

Only Bilbo is there as he readies for bed
Visions of dwarves tumbling through his head
He misses his friends who reclaimed Erebor
Wishing to see them, just one time once more

When out on the porch he hears a loud sound
And he runs to the door as his heart starts to pound
The hobbit opens it wide and what does he see?
But his company there, grinning with glee

There's Fíli and Kíli and Bofur and Balin
Nori and Ori and Bifur and Dwalin
Everyone's there, all fourteen of his friends
And if this is a dream, he hopes it won't end

But then Thorin strides forward to give him a hug
While the two Durin princes look at him with love
And Bilbo ushers them in with one joyous call
To enter, be welcome, don't stand in the hall

He offers them dinner to which they gladly agree
For dwarves don't refuse food, not when it's free
So they empty his pantry like they did before
But this time he joins them when their voices soar

The company's singing drifts far into the night
Carols of Christmas that they just can't get right
'Cause verses are mangled and halted for beer
Though even this failure can't dampen their cheer

Before long they're all tipsy and the pining starts
And everyone knows which dwarves lost their hearts
Except for poor Bilbo who can't understand
Why Thorin and Bofur keep taking his hand

So they growl at each other to release their prize
While the wizard just laughs at the hobbit's wide eyes
Then Fíli and Kíli swoop in under their nose
To kiss their sweet burglar beneath mistletoe

He blushes and stutters with his face all aflame
But this doesn't stop him from doing the same
And everyone cheers when they see the three kiss
Though Thorin and Bofur the sight somehow miss

They are too busy fighting to notice at all
When the two laughing princes lead Bilbo down the hall
They curl up by the fire and enjoy the heat
While Nori complains that they're sickeningly sweet

So the dwarf challenges Dwalin to poker instead
The smoke from his pipe like a wreath round his head
“What forfeit” he asks as he deals the cards
Baring his teeth at the captain of guards

Their friendship is strange and a little bit feral
But it's good entertainment when there is no peril
Thus the rest gather round to lay their own bets
Though Thorin is busy thinking up some good threats

To use on his nephews to make them stand down
'Cause he's finally noticed the amusement they've found
But Bofur convinces him to drink ale instead
Because nothing cures sorrow like the ache in one's head

They get maudlin and weepy 'bout the chance they have lost
And then they get drunk and some lines are crossed
The king and his miner who would have thought
But they'll do it again because why the hell not?

The hobbit they pine for has also been drinking
Now flushed and rosy and his boys are thinking
That romance is lovely but it's time for more
So they kiss Bilbo together to show what's in store

He's sweet and addicting and they can't understand
How nobody knew he was so good with his hands
But they're still by the fire and the others agree
That this isn't something that they want to see

So the company scatters to go to their beds
Before certain images get stuck in their heads
And the hobbit exclaims as they dash out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"


Tags: canon!au, crack, drabble, fi/bi/ki, fluff, humor, other slash, post-series, the hobbit, thilbo, verse
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