Antarctica-or-bust (rata_toskr) wrote,

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A Night to Remember

Title: A Night to Remember
Pairings: Fíli/Bilbo/Kíli
Rating/Warnings: Definitely NC-17, includes double-pentration, fisting, stretching and some fluff
Word Count: 3518
Disclaimer: If I owned the Hobbit, it would be a porno.
Summary: When Bilbo marries Fíli and Kíli, dwarven law requires that his husbands fuck him both at once.  Now if only the brothers could stop arguing long enough to get it done.

Our story begins far, far to the East, where the King of Silver Fountains once again reigns over Erebor.

His long struggle is over, his homeland reclaimed in battle and in fire but without the sort of tragedy that such a triumph could have cost.  So today there is only joy and laughter ringing from the stone as everyone celebrates the wedding of their princes to the hero of this tale.  The wine and food are plentiful, the music joyfully exuberant and even the representatives of Thorin's allies have joined in on the fun.  Indeed, King Bard's young daughters have not left the dance floor since the musicians began playing and Prince Legolas is finally drunk enough to sing along.

But this story is not about their happiness, no matter how wildly they party, and so we must move to the royal chambers where one Bilbo Baggins, formerly of the Shire, is quickly losing patience with his husbands' bickering.

Although he loves both of his dwarves dearly, they have an annoying habit of thinking their hobbit fragile - which is quite silly considering how often he has rescued them.  Bilbo faced down a dragon, a little bit of buggery isn't going to destroy him, and quite frankly, he's starting to get cold.  So the hobbit crosses his arms over his chest and asks his husbands with a scowl, "Are we going to consummate this marriage already or can I put on my clothes?"

Fíli and Kíli look up in surprise at his outburst, so focused on their argument that they'd quite forgotten he was there.  This realization does nothing to improve our hero's mood, naked and neglected as he is, and the dwarves feel a flash of panic at the storm clouds on his face.  There are few things more terrifying than a hobbit in high dudgeon, indeed nothing so far discovered on Middle Earth, and while the two brothers have faced hopeless battles with naught but cheerful optimism, this is something else entirely.

"No, no, Bilbo - "  The dwarves stammer out, rushing over to embrace their husband on the bed.

"We love you and we're very happy, really.  It's just that... "

"Well, we've never slept with you both at once before and we don't want..."

"To hurt you.  We would never want to hurt you, especially not on our wedding night."

Their obvious distress soothes the hobbit's ruffled feathers for while Fíli and Kíli can be awkward and oblivious at times, he knows there's no malice in their hearts.  So Bilbo kisses each of them in turn, stroking his fingers through their hair in reassurance until they relax again.

"I understand your concern, my loves, I truly do.  But as much as I've enjoyed laying with you separately, and I very much have, your laws require all three of us tonight and I fully intend to be properly married before the morning comes."

It is actually a minor subset of dwarvish law that is troubling his husbands, an amendment to an amendment at Durin V's decree.  No one now alive remembers why the dwarf king ruled that all royal brides must take both their husbands in concert if they wished to marry two and to be honest, the truth is not all that interesting.  For as with many things on this green earth, it is love which was to blame.  Durin V had grown quite smitten with a lady already engaged and did not wish to break her heart by murdering her fiance or any of the other dastardly things that an evil king might do.  But while she loved both of her suitors too much to choose between them and a triad was not uncommon in those days, Durin V could not declare her Queen when any child that she bore might not be of his line.

So the dwarf rewrote the laws of his kingdom, proving once again that love will conquer all.  Or at least that it can usually triumph over petty bureaucracy.  Indeed his courtiers could only fume as their King married a Queen and Consort, leaving the matter of his bloodline in Mahal's hands.  They shared one royal bed between them and if some of Durin V's children took after their other father, no one could prove a thing.

Now this hardly applies in the case of our hero for while hobbits and dwarves are different from the race of men in many ways, only women can bear children just the same.  But once the reason was forgotten so too was this exception and laws made by a Durin are almost impossible to break. Thus it fell to Thorin to enforce this measure and his face burned scarlet when he told his nephews of this condition upon their wedding day.  Balin had stumbled upon the law while ensuring that the princes could marry their burglar and the old warrior only hoped that this wouldn't ruin their happiness.  Indeed Fíli and Kíli had been most distressed at this news since their hobbit had always been tight around them and neither could imagine how the other dwarf would fit.

However, they were united in their determination to marry Bilbo anyway, deciding that they would figure out the mechanics after they said their wedding vows.  Their burglar agreed as well once the pair explained the situation and Bombur was quite pleased that his feast would not go to waste.

In truth Bilbo was the only one of the company who received the news in stride, at least until his husbands started paying more attention to their diagrams than they did to him, and it is the hobbit who takes control of the situation now.

"Will you trust me that this is possible?"  He murmurs, overriding Kíli and Fíli's protests with a quiet steel.  "It's going to take some maneuvering and a great deal of oil, but it will be well worth it in the end.  So relax, will you?  This is our wedding night and it's supposed to be wonderful not make you frown like that."

The dwarves can hardly refuse him after this, particularly not when Bilbo has always proven himself right in the past.  Indeed their burglar is the most sensible of Thorin's company and quite knowledgeable in these sort of bedroom things, balancing out his husband's blind enthusiasm with practicality.  He is a hobbit after all, Vána's children as fond of tumbles in the dark as they are of eating, and everyone knows that halflings are masters of the loving arts.  Or at least, they used to before the warring days trampled fields and smials and sent the survivors into myth and history.

But while most hobbits are quite happy to be forgotten by the wider world, our hero is an odd one indeed.  For Bilbo's heart is Took enough to dream of adventure and yet it is the Baggins who has made himself a home and family.  Erebor is his place now, strange though that may seem, and no Baggins would let a little thing like a new sexual position ruin everything.

So the burglar prince shoves Kíli down beneath him, peppering the younger dwarf with kisses as he reaches for the jar of oil that the servants left by their bed.  Bilbo hands this off to Fíli, wiggling his ass in the air to get his husband's attention where it belongs.

"Start me off, love?  You're going to have to stretch me thoroughly if this is to work."  The dwarf murmurs his agreement and the first digits slide in easily for the three of them have been quite active since the start of their engagement, the hobbit pressing back against Fíli's hand with a happy sigh.  His fingers are blunt and wide, rough calluses dragging across Bilbo's inner walls in a most pleasant torture while Kíli strokes their husband's back.  The archer can't see his brother very well from his position but his imagination is painting quite a vivid picture and he drowns his moan in Bilbo's mouth.  For he knows exactly what the hobbit feels like, hot and smooth as silk around his shaft, and he can't wait to sink home once more.

When Fíli adds a third finger, the dwarf starts to meet resistance, small gasps falling from Bilbo's tongue as he's opened inexorably.  He distracts himself from the sting by focusing on Kíli below him, leaning down to suck one dusky nipple into his mouth.  The groan this action draws from his husband is most gratifying, the dwarf's length twitching against Bilbo's hip, and it has the added benefit of shoving his ass even higher in the air.

The older prince cannot resist the sight and he bends his head to lick along the hobbit's entrance where his fingers disappear.  This taut muscle quivers beneath his tongue, twitching invitingly with every stroke and Fíli shoves in as deep as he can go.

He pauses here, admiring the way that Bilbo's hole gapes when he spreads his fingers wide inside him and if this were any other night, the dwarf would have begun to fuck him then.  However this isn't any other evening and while the hobbit is now stretched enough to take one of his husbands, the prince still can't imagine how both of them will fit.  But obviously that's just because he isn't thinking big enough.

"Another, Fi,"  Bilbo gasps out after his husband has not moved for awhile.  "Keep going until I'm dripping around your fist."

Both dwarves shudder at his statement, their lengths standing thick and proud just from the feel of him, and the thought of what's to come is almost more than they can bear.  But where Kíli probably would have just jumped Bilbo a month ago, the hobbit has managed to teach the pair some patience in the bedroom and he chose their positions well.  Because Fíli pulls himself together far sooner than his brother, drizzling more oil onto his hand while the archer is still panting into Bilbo's neck.

Their husband groans deeply when the elder prince adds another finger, his body clenching involuntarily against the attack.  Indeed Fíli can barely fit all four digits inside him and every inch he gains only squeezes the hobbit's entrance tighter around his hand.

Soon Bilbo is gasping harshly into Kíli's chest, forehead pressed firmly against the archer skin as he struggles to relax and his husband pauses there for fear of hurting him.  But although it seems impossible, the pressure eventually begins to lessen until the blond dwarf has space to move again.  The hobbit is still tight but with a bit more oil Fíli is able to press into him smoothly, his fingers reaching a little farther with every thrust.

While his brother stretches their husband open, Kíli whispers reassurances, strong hands grounding the burglar amidst the pleasure and the pain.  Sweet nothings only, more murmur than actual speech, but the rumble of his voice is soothing and Bilbo melts against the archer as sensation threatens to overwhelm his mind.  Because Fíli's hand feels huge within him, filling him more completely than the hobbit has ever been before and yet four fingers is still not enough.

It will take more than that before the burglar is ready for them and the elder dwarf is just thinking about adding his thumb into the mix when Kíli decides to become more involved.  Comforting Bilbo is all well and good but the archer doesn't see why his brother should get to do all the fun parts of their wedding night.

"Can I?" He asks softly, nibbling on the hobbit's ear as he reaches around behind him, fingers trailing down the crack of Bilbo's ass.  Fíli is still shoved deep inside their husband and when the halfling murmurs his consent, Kíli traces the edge of his entrance reverentially.

"Mahal, but you're stretched so wide around him," The dwarf murmurs, Bilbo shuddering beneath his hand.  Kíli's fingers are longer than his brothers, slimmer and calloused differently, and the contrast of their touches sends sparks shooting across the hobbit's skin.  He's already so sensitive from Fíli's efforts, length aching and balls drawn up against his groin. Indeed the burglar is starting to wonder if he's going to last because this is even better than he had imagined and when Kíli slips one slick finger in alongside his brother's, the hobbit nearly screams.  But Bilbo chokes the sound back somehow, fighting to keep control so that he can tell his husbands what he needs.

However, in his haze of pleasure, the burglar prince has forgotten one very important thing.  For although his dwarves may be inexperienced compared to the average hobbit, they learn fast when driven and few things are more motivating than their husband writhing naked in their arms.

So Fíli strokes the tips of his fingers across that glorious spot within Bilbo until the other can do nothing but moan continuously and then he whispers heatedly, "Let go, love, there's no need to be thinking anymore.  You got us this far, now trust Kíli and I to take care of the rest.  We're going to work you open until you're begging for it, until we can both fit within you easily and you can't stand the thought of being empty anymore."

When his brother finishes, Kíli reaches up to grab the hobbit's length with his one free hand even as Fíli begins to press his thumb inside.  The dual sting of pain and pleasure is more than Bilbo can handle, his hole clenching impossibly tight around the elder dwarf as he finds his release.  Their husband spills across Kíli's stomach before slumping down against him, the other dwarf following his movement to keep from pulling his fingers out.  Bilbo is stretched around the widest part of his hand, fingers three knuckles deep already and yet his body still resists that final push.  However, now that their hobbit is lost in a blissful haze of pleasure, Fíli seizes this opportunity.

The burglar is almost boneless, allowing the dwarf to press forward just that little bit more and with a soft sucking sound, Bilbo swallows him.  His entrance closes tight on Fíli's wrist, all heat and silky skin around his hand, and for a moment the prince can only stare in disbelief.

"Oh Valar, you did it, didn't you?"  Kíli groans, grinding his cock up against the hobbit's stomach.  His eyes are dark, nearly black with desire as he moves to grab his brother's arm.  He runs his fingers over the other dwarf's skin where his wrist disappears into their hobbit, pressing against Bilbo's taut entrance to make him whimper so beautifully.  Their husband is impossibly stretched, Fíli's hand burning like a brand inside him, and yet Kíli cannot resist pushing just a little more.

Carefully, yes, but the dwarf is also relentless as he presses against the hobbit's rim until the muscle allows him to pass.  The tip of his finger slides slowly within Bilbo, scraping against the back of his brother's arm and all three of them moan when Bilbo's legs just widen.

The burglar is so far gone now that the pain doesn't even register, his body pushed past every limit by the solid fist inside him and Kíli adds another finger without even a wince.

"Do you think I could fuck you like this, with his hand still trapped inside you?"  The archer murmurs, pressing in as far as he can go.  It's rather awkward from this angle but he doesn't mind the stretch when their husband mewls against him and ruts back into his hand.  However, while Bilbo may be too far gone to recognize his limits and Kíli too entranced to care, that's exactly what Fíli is for.  The dwarf is well used to reigning in his brother when he loses track of reality and things are no different now that the pair is wed.

"Enough Kíli, he's ready for us now,"  Fíli says, reaching down to grab the other's arm.

It takes Kíli a moment to register his words through haze of lust but once he does, the archer takes out his fingers eagerly.  Then he holds Bilbo still as his brother removes his fist ever so slowly, the hobbit's body tightening as if to keep him there.  The emptiness is almost unbearable, his hole stretched too far to recover easily and he needs something, anything, to stave off the sense of loss.  Though it helps a little when Fíli slips two fingers back inside Bilbo's entrance, giving that abused muscle something to close around while the brothers reposition themselves.

Then Kíli is sliding into their hobbit, cock thrusting into him more easily than it ever has before.  Indeed the burglar's body welcomes the intrusion gratefully for the dwarf's thick shaft soothes the remaining emptiness. So Bilbo melts against the archer's chest, nerves singing from the sensation as his own length begins to swell again.

The elder prince stops to appreciate the view for a minute as his brother bucks up into their husband, their skin flushed and glistening with sweat.  But the dwarf knows that he doesn't have long before Kíli's control unravels and he plans to be buried deep in Bilbo when that moment arrives.  So Fíli places one hand on the hobbit's back, pushing him forward until he's almost bent in half.  Now it is the dwarf's turn to tease and he traces his fingers along the rim of Bilbo's entrance where he and Kíli join before slipping three inside.  His brother moans as Fíli brushes against his cock, a few quick thrusts slicking both of them again.  Then the prince spreads their husband even wider, pulling the hobbit open until the head of his own length can slip past that tight ring.

Bilbo gives a strangled wail when the dwarf presses forward, not stopping until he bottoms out.  Soon Fíli is plastered against their husband's back, fingers digging into his hips as he pants for breath and Kíli is no better off below.  Because the hobbit is still so tight despite all their preparation, squeezing the dwarves together almost painfully and neither brother has ever felt this good in all their life.

But it gets even better when Fíli begins moving, pulling almost completely out of their husband before slamming back inside.  Each thrust loosens Bilbo a little more, somehow managing to drive their lengths in deeper and if the hobbit were capable of speech, he would have been screaming his delight.  However, all he can manage is one continuous moan until Kíli swallows it, the younger dwarf kissing him almost ferally.  While the archer cannot really move with the hobbit sprawled upon him, he strokes his tongue into Bilbo's mouth to the same rhythm as his brother's fucking, each thrust grinding their husband's cock against his skin.

With the pace that the dwarf is setting, it doesn't take Bilbo long to reach the edge again, all thoughts lost to the sensation of being filled.  He can feel them in his stomach, so deep inside him that they're branded on his bones, and when Fíli shoves in once more, the hobbit loses it.

Bilbo sprays his seed across Kíli's chest, entrance clenching tight around his husbands' cocks as he shrieks his pleasure and the dwarves cannot help but follow him.  Indeed Fíli gives one last thrust before roaring his completion for all of Erebor to witness and his brother's voice joins in barely a second past.  The sound echoes off the stone even as their seed pours into their hobbit, filling every last crevice and seeping out around their shafts.  He is dripping with it, stuffed and aching but he does not want them to pull out.

So the burglar clutches at Fíli when he starts to move, murmuring a broken plea for him to wait.  The dwarf can hardly refuse when their husband begs so sweetly, although he's slightly worried about crushing Bilbo and Kili with his weight and so he shifts them over onto their sides before plastering himself to the hobbit's back again.  They curl up like this, the three of them locked together and dozing blissfully.

At some point the elder prince will get up to clean off the others, pressing a kiss to his brother's forehead and another to Bilbo's lips.  And many hours later, once the grand celebration has finally ended in the Hall of Tapestry, a drunken reveler will stumble through the door, whisper, "You're adorable," and go pass out in the hall.  But the three of them will be asleep by the time Dís collects her brother and for now they are happy right where they are.

Indeed the newly-weds are rather grateful that Durin V wrote his lovers into law since their sex life just became much more interesting.  For while Fíli and Kíli will surely tumble their hobbit alone from time to time, this has been a night to remember and the trio is already looking forward to round two.

And thus we must leave them, our story completed now that love has proven true.


Tags: canon!au, crack, fi/bi/ki, fic, fluff, nsfw, post-series, the hobbit
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