Rating/Warnings: Definitely NC-17; some seriously dirty talking and lots and lots of sex.Word Count: 5925
Disclaimer: If I owned the Hobbit, it would be a porno.
Summary: Fíli and Kíli have never been good at sharing and when they both fall for Bilbo, things get out of hand.
Fíli and Kíli had never been very good at sharing the things they cared about. Perhaps the two dwarves were simply too close in age or too similar in their desires but the love that each prince held for his brother did not stop the vicious arguments.
If anything this closeness only made their fights more brutal until Dís began to despair of her children ever finding peace. While most young dwarves were rambunctious, her boys took things to a whole new level and she quickly grew tired of cleaning blood off of the floor every week. However, what truly drove their mother to distraction were the completely unapologetic expressions that Fíli and Kíli’s gave her when she tried to make them stop. No matter what Dís said, her sons continued to see nothing wrong with attacking each other over the slightest provocation and one day the dwarrowdam finally snapped.
“Enough!” she shouted that chilly autumn morning after Kíli and Fíli had brawled to injury over a cheap wooden toy. “I have had quite enough of this!”
From that day onward, her children were forbidden from pursuing the same interests, their lives divided so that there was no overlap. Kíli learned the bow while Fíli threw knives and axes, the elder learned to forge while the younger was taught woodcarving, all of their training parceled out this way until Dís finally had some peace.
Her sons never told her how much they missed the fighting, their love for each other best expressed through arguments. How was Fíli supposed to know the worth of his belongings without seeing which ones his brother tried to steal and how could Kíli truly appreciate his victories when they were no longer torn from Fíli's hands? But the dwarves loved their mother and for her sake they adjusted, channeling their competition into less physical pursuits.
So the brothers stopped brawling over their toys and starting fighting over the attention of their friends and family, each dwarf attempting to receive the lion's share.
Fíli chose to be dependable, always prepared to do what was needed before his uncle asked, and Kíli could only fume at the praise his actions drew. But the archer had his own talents and if he was not the one whom people asked for favors, his outrageous behavior gave him attention of a different kind.
The two dwarves waged this hidden battle for decades, their weapons words and smiles instead of fists or blades, and those over whom they fought never realized that the battle lines were drawn. Thorin's heirs were inseparable and truly adored each other so no one else ever noticed the vicious sparring that took place behind the scenes. No one knew that Kíli lost his virginity to his brother's first crush and he gave this victory pride of place within his heart. No one else realized that Fíli smiled widest when the younger dwarf was being punished since he had Dís all to himself when Kíli was sent to his room.
So while the scores in their endless competition just kept ticking higher, by the time the princes reached adulthood, everyone had forgotten about the selfish, violent dwarrowlings whom they used to be.
Until Fíli and Kíli met Bilbo Baggins and things got out of hand.
At first the two dwarves simply vied for the hobbit's attention as they did with all of their companions, every smile and shy laugh counted as a tally toward their eventual victory. However the longer that they traveled together, the more Bilbo became the central focus of their competition and Fíli was the first to realize why.
Although, it actually took the dwarf some time to notice the difference because their burglar was new and interesting and had yet to choose a favorite so it seemed only natural that each brother would try to sway him to their side. That was pretty much a given whenever the pair met someone whom they hadn’t known before and if Fíli sometimes got distracted by more carnal urges, it's not as though the prince was blind.
But a few weeks travel out of Hobbiton, the dwarf was watching Bilbo and his brother talk together and he had an epiphany. Because, for the first time, his jealousy was not about Kíli as it had always been before.
With every other friend or lover whom Fíli had stolen, he had wanted to take them from his brother far more than he wanted to claim them for himself. However, this was different; this time he wanted Bilbo and the archer's broken heart would simply be a bonus along the way. Not that the other dwarf seemed to understand how hard he was falling for their hobbit but Kíli had always been much better at manipulating other people's feelings than looking at his own.
The elder prince actually thought about telling his brother how the stakes had risen since he enjoyed their struggles most when they were on even ground. He considered it until Bilbo laughed at one of Kíli's jokes again and the dwarf thought, Fuck that, instead.
This battle was more important than any of their past squabbling so Fíli was going to take every advantage he could get. He would feel guilty once the hobbit was on his arm where he belonged and the dwarf could shove his claim in his brother's face until he choked from jealousy. Fíli was going to end their competition once and for all, proving himself the superior where it really mattered and stroll back into Erebor with his boot on Kíli's neck.
Thus it was the elder dwarf who began courting Bilbo first, gathering small gifts for him along the trail and paying him compliments when his uncle's words were harsh. Subtle things but their burglar began to blossom beneath the attention like a flower at the first touch of spring.
He blushed and smiled as prettily as any lover that Fíli had ever had and the prince began to think that his victory was assured. Foolish of him since the dwarf should have learned by now that the battle wasn't over until the last weapon fell. Even an injured enemy might still strike a lethal blow when cornered and while Kíli was often confused by his own emotions, the prince had been chasing after his brother for years and he noticed when things changed.
How could he not when Fíli suddenly bowed out of their other competitions, surrendering Thorin's company to Kíli without a fight? How could the archer keep from wondering why his brother was suddenly underfoot every time he went to talk to Bilbo when he hadn't been so prevalent before?
It vexed the dwarf terribly, irked and aggravated, and not long after the company left Rivendell, Kíli finally realized why. It was the elves who put the idea in his head with the way they cooed over the hobbit, Elrond's people hugging him constantly until the archer couldn't take it anymore. They would NOT STOP TOUCHING HIM and their audacity made the young prince growl.
Kíli could not stand the sight of these elves putting their hands on what was HIS and with that thought the light finally dawned. The archer wanted Bilbo with every fiber of his being and now that he knew what he was looking for, he could see that same possessive gleam in his brother's eye.
This would be their final battle, the first one that truly mattered, and the younger dwarf fully intended to be the winner here. He knew how attractive other races found his features and, unlike his brother, Kíli was not bound by propriety. Fíli might have to court the hobbit according to royal tradition, following every step in sequence to ease their future subjects' minds, but the archer had made a habit of scandal in his life. He would care about propriety after he had claimed his prize and the whispers would mean little compared to having Bilbo in his arms.
So Kíli went straight for the kill, drawing the hobbit aside one evening and kissing him for all that he was worth. Their burglar let out a startled gasp at his action but did not pull away so the prince took this opportunity to prove what he could do. For while Kíli was rarely praised for his intellectual thinking, the dwarf had other talents and it did not take long for Bilbo to melt into his embrace.
He was soft and warm and Kíli held him tightly, drawing the hobbit ever closer as he ravished that sweet mouth. But just when the prince was starting to lose himself in the sensation, he was jerked back violently.
“How dare you?!” Fíli snarled as he threw his brother to the ground and glared at him fit to kill.
“It's not my fault that you were slow to close the deal,” Kíli retorted, looking up at the other dwarf with an unapologetic smirk and then rolling to the side when he attacked. The younger prince scrambled to his feet quickly, nearly falling back again as the next punch grazed his chin.
Within moments the two dwarves were brawling fiercely, neither above using dirty tricks to try and turn the tide. So the archer kneed Fíli in the kidney, grinding his fist into the other's face only to fall back beneath a flurry of wicked strikes. The elder prince was too angry for strategy, his blows aimed at inflicting as much pain as possible and he grinned ferally every time Kíli winced.
Fíli could hear Bilbo yelling for them to stop over the pounding in his ears but he could not grant the hobbit's plea this time. His brother had done the unforgivable and the dwarf fully intended to take his vengeance out of Kíli's hide. Indeed neither prince was backing down from this battle, only skill and their long familiarity keeping them from serious injury so far.
So the hobbit was incredibly relieved when the rest of the company finally answered his panicked shouts, running into the clearing with weapons drawn. But while the other dwarves looked at the brawling princes with shock in their eyes, Thorin just cursed and signaled Dwalin to pull the two apart.
“What is the meaning of this?” the dwarf lord growled, his nephews wincing at the disappointment in his eyes. “We have enough enemies without the two of you starting up this squabbling again. So I don't care what petty argument set you off this time; you are adults and you will act like it for once.”
Not until I win, Kíli thought, but before he could piss his uncle off even more by voicing his opinion, Fíli burst out angrily.
“It's not petty! He kissed Bilbo even though I've been courting him for weeks now and if you release me, I’m going to knock the bastard's teeth in like he deserves.”
“Should've put a ring on it, brother,” Kíli retorted, smiling savagely as Fíli tried to lunge for him. “How was I supposed to know you wanted our dear burglar when you hadn't made your claim official yet?”
“Oh you fucking rukhsinh,” the elder prince exclaimed. “You knew exactly what you were doing; you just wanted to get under my skin like you always do. But I'm not going to let you sully our hobbit simply because you can't stand to see me win.”
“Sully? You're so old-fashioned that it's ridiculous and Bilbo certainly wasn't complaining about anything I did,” Kíli spit back with a smirk. “Let me tell you, brother, our burglar knows how to kiss.”
“You take that back!” Fíli shouted. “You forced yourself on him and you know it. Why do you always have to ruin everything?!”
“Ruin everything? I'm the one who ruins everything?” the archer exclaimed. “You're the arrogant bastard who thinks that this is all about you. I want the hobbit because he's smart and funny and pretty as anyone I've ever seen and I plan to have him, no matter what it takes. And even if I somehow lose this battle, you'll never be able to forget that I touched him first, will you? You’ll never-”
“EXCUSE ME!” This shout cut across the princes' increasingly bitter accusations, the entire company turning to stare at Bilbo with wide eyes.
The hobbit had been watching the brothers’ exchange in absolute disbelief and he had finally lost patience with being talked about like he wasn't even there. “As flattering as your interest may be, I am not some prize to be won by whoever yells the loudest. I mean, I hardly know either of you and now you're in love with me?”
“Hey!” Kíli and Fíli responded indignantly, turning identically insulted faces Bilbo's way. “This isn't some childish infatuation that you can dismiss so easily. We're deadly serious about you and we'll do anything to prove our hearts are true.”
“Well, for starters you can stop fighting over me like spoiled children,” their burglar said, crossing his arms with a huff. And it truly was love because both dwarves actually felt guilty when faced with his disappointment, the first time that either of them had regretted what they'd done. But the brothers shook off this feeling quickly, Kíli and Fíli each vowing to convince Bilbo that he was the better choice.
So when the hobbit muttered, “Honestly, you two, this is ridiculous. This is not how you conduct a romance. Do it right or don't do it at all,” the dwarves were ready to respond.
“Challenge accepted,” Fíli and Kíli pronounced, nodding stiffly at each other as the gauntlet was thrown down. There was a fire burning in their eyes that made Bilbo wonder what in Yavanna’s name he had begun. But at least the dwarves had stopped fighting for the moment and surely whatever the pair came up with couldn't be that bad?
I hope, the hobbit thought with a sinking feeling as the rest of the company looked at this new love triangle with a mixture of pity and exasperation in their eyes.
The competition began in earnest the very next morning when Bilbo woke up to two expectant faces staring down at him. What the heck? he wondered, sitting up with a groan to find Kíli and Fíli kneeling by his bedroll, a good two feet separating the brothers from each other as they held out bowls of stew.
“Breakfast!” they chorused, each dwarf looking at Bilbo hopefully and trying to nudge his bowl forward in their burglar's line of sight.
“Are you freaking serious?” the hobbit asked, his stare becoming rather more incredulous when even this threatened to turn into a fight. “You know, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.”
But Fíli and Kíli looked so dejected at his statement that he didn't have the heart to continue ranting, no matter how ridiculous this seemed. Of course, Bilbo also wasn't going to join in their competition without a struggle and so he reached out to take both offerings at once. The two dwarves gaped as their hobbit poured one bowl into the other, mixing them up thoroughly before taking a large bite.
However, if the burglar had been hoping to nip their rivalry in the bud, he was sorely disappointed when Kíli muttered, “He used my spoon,” with a besotted grin. Fíli's response was rather more physical, the elder prince punching his brother in the shoulder before stalking off angrily.
The archer seemed to take this as a victory and Bilbo could only shake his head in disbelief when the other dwarf shot him a wink and then swaggered off the other way. My lord, they're actually serious about me, aren't they? This can't possibly end well.
And he was right. Suddenly the hobbit couldn't smile at Fíli without his brother looking heartbroken and he couldn't laugh at one of Kíli's jokes without incurring Fíli's glares. The simplest choices were suddenly fraught with meaning and nothing Bilbo said convinced the princes that the location of his bedroll had no bearing on his heart.
Even spending time with other members of the company only fanned the fires because if Kíli and Fíli could agree on nothing else, they could agree they hated that. When the pair worked together, they were actually quite terrifying since their long years of making each other miserable had given them a lot of practice at making their hate felt. Ori, Bofur, and Dwalin soon decided that it wasn't worth facing the princes' combined malevolence and Bilbo found himself without anyone to hide behind.
Yet despite the feuding, the bickering, and the strangest attempts at courtship that the hobbit had ever seen, he could not bring himself to refuse either of the dwarves outright.
Because while Fíli was stubborn and taciturn and apparently held grudges forever, the prince was also loyal and hard-working and could speak like a poet about the things he loved. And if Kíli was definitely brash and blunt and filthy-minded, the archer was also brave and funny and surprisingly kind when he wasn't trying to smash in Fíli's head.
How was Bilbo supposed to suddenly choose between two very attractive brothers who wanted nothing more than the admiration of his heart? How was he supposed to choose when their charms were in such opposition and the hobbit truly didn't want to hurt anyone?
But something had to change because the dwarves were running out of patience and if their burglar dragged this out much longer, someone was going to get knifed. The brothers had almost come to blows that very morning over who got to walk to next to Bilbo and only Thorin's frustrated growl kept the boys in line. However, even their uncle's lofty eyebrows wouldn't be able to stop Kíli and Fíli from brawling if the hobbit's indecision turned their love to bitterness and so he finally gathered his courage to ask for some advice.
“I know you don't like me much and you're not exactly my first choice for this conversation, but I don't know who else can help me now,” Bilbo said. “I mean, I guess I could ask Gandalf what he thinks, only I'm not quite desperate enough for that. Which brings me to my next question... What in Vána's name should I do now? This situation has gotten completely out of hand.”
“So pick one of them, Fíli and Kíli won't stop fighting until you do,” Thorin growled back at the burglar, his frustration obvious. In truth, the dwarf looked like he'd rather be attacked by wargs again than have this conversation, though he seemed to find a kind of cruel amusement in Bilbo's distress.
“But which one?” the hobbit wailed, throwing his hands up in the air. “They're both wonderful and aggravating in their own way and I just can't decide.”
“Choose Kíli or choose Fíli or choose them both for all I care, your love life is no worry of mine. As far as I'm concerned, you started this mess and you can finish it without my help. Though if you hurt either of them needlessly, I will make you regret the day that you were born.” With this last threat, Thorin stalked off to brood in peace, quite annoyed that his quest had become overshadowed by the princes' love affairs. Their journey was supposed to be serious and the sooner that Bilbo broke his nephews' hearts already, the sooner they could get on with it.
However, unbeknownst to the dwarf lord, his rant had sparked something in the hobbit's mind that Thorin did not intend, a possibility that had never occurred to him before.
Bilbo turned this idea over in his thoughts for the next few days as he watched his suitors carefully, trying to discover a foundation upon which he could build peace. A difficult task since Fíli and Kíli might refrain from fighting in his presence, but their restraint was grudging at best and their growing collection of bruises told a different tale.
Yet each dwarf was also determined to prove that his love was truer than his brother's and this gave the hobbit an opening.
“I have a proposition,” Bilbo told Kíli and Fíli one evening, taking them aside after they'd brought him supper once again. “A way to determine which of you to choose because I care for both of you deeply and I cannot trust my mind to decide just where my heart should fall.”
“Anything you ask, I will gladly do,” the archer promised, ecstatic at the thought of ending this once and for all. He was certain that he would be triumphant in whatever challenge Bilbo gave them and Fíli's agreement was not far behind.
“Then your task is this. Prove that you can put aside your feuding long enough to love me properly and whichever of you has the sweetest touch may win my regard.”
Neither of the princes was happy about this suggestion, though their protests were driven more by possessiveness and a hint of scandal on Fíli's part than any sort of modesty. However, when Bilbo would not budge, the dwarves could do nothing but agree for neither was willing to let his brother act alone.
Although their agreement hit an obstacle only a few seconds later, when Kíli thought to ask, “Which one of us goes first?”
Fíli responded to this question with a sucker punch and one short scuffle later, the princes were wrestling on the ground with daggers out. Both of them were already bleeding from a score of shallow scratches and their threats were only increasing in lethality. Until the dwarves were cut off mid word by the hobbit’s tunic landing on their heads.
“I never said that you were taking turns,” their burglar replied as Fíli took advantage of the distraction to shove his brother off. Though both of the dwarves froze gaping when Bilbo removed his trousers, transfixed by the swath of pale skin he revealed. Neither of them could look away from the hobbit's plump curves or swiftly rising cock, not until he placed his hands on his hips and frowned at them expectantly.
“Well? What are you waiting for? If you're not interested, I'm sure I could find someone else to help me out.”
This offer was met with twin growls of jealousy and seconds later the hobbit was tumbled back onto the ground. He was rather impressed by how quickly Fíli and Kíli removed their many layers, at least in the part of his mind that was still working properly. The majority was occupied with staring, drooling over the two muscled bodies now looming over him because was the first time that Bilbo had seen either of the princes naked and the sight was even better than he'd imagined it would be.
Fíli was all golden skin and stocky strength, the curls of hair across his chest making the hobbit's fingers twitch eagerly. In contrast, Kíli was leaner, more wiry than stout, and yet he was no less attractive in his own way.
So Bilbo buried his hands in their hair and kissed each prince in turn, the fire burning in their eyes making him feel invincible before the two dwarves surged forward and all coherent thought was lost.
Kíli was kissing him, or maybe it was Fíli ravishing his mouth while his brother's lips trailed heat down their lover's skin. Warm hands, strong and calloused teased at the burglar's nipples and he arched up with a gasp when a soft tongue followed suit. But the sound was swallowed as the other prince pressed forward, losing himself in the sweetness of the hobbit's lips beneath his own.
Indeed Bilbo couldn't breathe, could hardly even moan beneath the onslaught, and the dwarves had only just begun.
“I'm going to take you apart,” Fíli growled hotly against the burglar's ear. “I'm going to work you open until you cannot even think to scream my name and my brother is no more than a memory.”
He punctuated this statement with a sharp nip to Bilbo's neck, sucking a bruise of possession into that pale skin. Kíli seemed to have a similar idea, the younger dwarf leaving a trail of marks down their hobbit's stomach before pressing his face into the crease of Bilbo's hip.
Despite his lover's urging, Kíli ignored the burglar's cock for now because if this was his only chance, he was going to make it last. So the archer licked his way down the inside of their burglar's thighs, mouthing at every dimple and marking the ones that made his hobbit shriek. Bilbo tried to stifle his cries at first, biting his fist until Fíli pulled his hands away.
“Let me hear you,” the dwarf demanded, pressing their lover back into the ground. “I want everyone to hear you scream with pleasure so they know exactly where you belong. They're going to know how much you love it when I fuck you beyond a doubt.”
He sealed this promise with another biting kiss, pressing his aching length against Bilbo's thigh until the other howled. Or perhaps that was due to Kíli finally making good on his teasing and wrapping his lips around their hobbit’s cock. The dwarf started slow, sliding down Bilbo's length by inches as he stroked his fingers along the base and he had nearly taken everything before he drew back again.
Their burglar was whimpering now, unbridled moans falling from his lips with every bob of Kíli's head and Fíli was becoming rather jealous by this point. So when the younger prince moved to stroke down Bilbo's ass, the elder dwarf smacked his hands away.
“My turn, little brother,” Fíli growled in answer to the other's disgruntled glare, the archer's eyes narrowing in challenge. Because it was a challenge, his brother wanting to prove that he could make the hobbit fall apart beneath his hands and the younger prince would not lose without a fight. So as Fíli began to stretch Bilbo open on his fingers, Kíli swallowed their burglar down. He shrieked then, loud enough to be heard in Erebor as the two dwarves moved faster, Fíli's voice anchoring him in one long filthy tide.
“You can feel me, can't you? Pressing deep within you where you crave it, where you ache to be filled.” A broken moan was the only answer that he got.
“You want it, Bilbo. You want to be taken, to be used like the dirty whore you are. Because look at you, all wanton and shameless with your begging and you'd love it if we took you both at once. We would split you open, stretch you wider than you've ever been before until the both of us are buried so deep within you that you can never shake us off. We would own you then and tonight we're going to fuck you rough and wild until you're boneless in our hands.”
Another twist of clever fingers, Fíli smirking at his brother's strangled gasp and he barely noticed that “I” had become “us.”
“And when we finish with you,” the dwarf continued, voice dropping into a sinful purr. “When we've left you gasping, you'd do anything to be so full again. You'd beg and plead and moan and if we did not oblige you, you would let our entire company ride you to oblivion. Would you like that? Dwalin's massive length driving you forward with every brutal thrust while the others watch you scream beneath his hands and once he'd poured his seed deep within you, you would spread your legs for anyone who wished to use you next.
Uncle, probably; Thorin wouldn't be able to resist the sight of your dripping entrance and he’d pour his dislike into you with every stroke. He would never respect you after that, not after making you writhe upon his cock like a wanton thing. You would writhe and beg and moan, sucking the others down until you're covered with their seed from head to toe. But you wouldn't care what you looked like as long as your craving was fulfilled.”
Bilbo was on edge now, shuddering beneath the princes' hands and mouths, mind lost to the picture that Fíli painted. Kíli too was enraptured by this fantasy, rubbing his own length as he swirled his tongue around the head of their hobbit's cock and yet it was his brother's next words which shattered him.
“You would beg for them to touch you, but they won't because you're ours. You belong to us and no one else will ever touch your skin again.”
The possessive claim in the dwarf's voice, the unbridled ownership hit Kíli's nerves like lightning and he swallowed Bilbo convulsively as he spilled into his hand. Though their burglar was not far behind with the dwarf's mouth hot and wet around him and Fíli's fingers sending sparks across his skin.
But even when the hobbit slumped boneless into the grass, Fíli's words never stopped and the dwarves were far from finished yet.
“You are ours now, Bilbo. Ours to do with as we will and I want to show you off. I want everyone to know exactly what they're missing and just how lucky we both are.” Their burglar was loose and pliant now, Kíli still too blissed out from his release to argue and so the elder prince seized his chance, pulling Bilbo up on his knees and sinking into him.
“Valar, but you feel amazing,” Fíli groaned, lips teasing against the hobbit's neck. “You are hot and tight and perfect and you would be beautiful on display. Would you let me fuck you open like this in front of everyone while Kíli sucks you off? Would you ride us by the fire and let their eyes dance across your skin? No one would be able to look away from your brazen shamelessness. No one would want to miss one second of your face. Because you are gorgeous like this, sweat-slick skin flushed red with pleasure, your body welcoming my cock like you were made for me.”
With every word the dwarf thrust forward harder, driving into Bilbo until he barely had the air to speak and when Fíli's voice finally failed him, Kíli stepped into the gap.
“You are beautiful, you know,” the archer whispered, drawing their hobbit into a deep kiss. “You are beautiful and bright and funny and we both love you more than anything. We love you like this, sprawled out and begging like you'll die without our touch. We love you when you're snippy and arguing with uncle and we will dedicate our lives to making you happier than you have ever been before. Truly we would be proud to claim you in front of kith of kin because there is no shame in this. There is no shame in pleasure or in craving and we'll give you everything if you just let us in.”
A few more strokes and Fíli was coming, slamming into Bilbo as deep as he could go. His fingers dug into the hobbit's hips hard enough to bruise, his cock giving one last valiant twitch at the thought of his mark there for everyone to see. So he sank his teeth into their burglar's shoulder to punctuate his claim before slumping against their lover's back.
Bilbo was squirming beneath him, his own length aching once again, but the dwarf was immovable until Kíli shoved him off. His hands were gentle if a bit impatient and Fíli was feeling too smug about taking their hobbit first to care if his brother got another round. So the prince went easily, settling on his side to watch the coming show.
And it was a show, Kíli's shaft standing tall and proud with arousal as he finally moved to claim their lover for himself. His cock was shorter than the other dwarf's but thicker and Bilbo moaned helplessly at the extra stretch when the archer began to enter him.
It was almost too much, his body singing on the edge between pleasure and agony and Fíli ran one soothing hand down the hobbit's back while his brother sank home.
“Ssh, love,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to Bilbo's cheek. “You're almost there now; we just need you to last a little longer. Just a little more for us.”
Kíli kept his thrusts slow and gentle, his motions almost languid compared to their earlier frantic rush. His brother may have gotten their hobbit first but he would not be the last and the archer held off his own release until Bilbo shattered in his hands once more. Only then did he let go, leaving a matching bite upon the hobbit's neck.
“Do you think we broke him?” the younger prince asked a while later when Bilbo still hadn't moved from his fucked out daze. “I didn't mean to break him.”
“Don't worry about it,” Fíli reassured his brother, poking their hobbit in the shoulder to make sure that he was still breathing after all. “I think we just wore him out.”
“Are you sure? He looks half-dead to me.”
“'m fine.” Bilbo muttered when the dwarves poked him again, waving them off feebly. “I'm just all tired out.”
“Well, in that case, did you make a decision?” Fíli asked, looking over to catch his brother's eye. “Because we were thinking that, maybe, sharing might not be as awful as we'd thought... if you could handle it.”
“Only if you can't decide on one of us, of course. Because if you can pick that would be wonderful as long as you choose me.”
But there was no answer and when the two dwarves looked down at Bilbo, he had fallen back asleep.
“I guess we're sharing then, at least until he can pick one of us for good.” Kíli said with a shrug, already looking forward to continuing their competition here. Even if neither of the princes ever managed to win the entirety of Bilbo's affections, the struggle would keep their passion burning and help both of them to feel alive. “However, just to be clear, I get to take him first next time.”
“Not a chance in Nargûn. I'll see our mountain burn before I let you do that.”
“Oh, come on, you smug bastard. It's only fair.”
“Fair is for losers and the weak of mind. I'm the eldest, I go first. End of story.”
“That's what you think, brother. Age before beauty is a dirty, filthy lie and you know I've never been the most traditional dwarf around. So how about I bet you for the opportunity...”
The brothers' bickering drifted into the night, the sound carrying through the crisp evening air to their companions who were lying by the fire with wide eyes. Only Bombur had managed to sleep through that racket and the other dwarves' reactions ranged from horny to traumatized.
Though only Thorin felt guilty, remembering his unthinking suggestion to the hobbit and wondering what sort of madness his words had unleashed.