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I Love You But You're Strange

Title: I Love You But You're Strange
Fandom: Case Closed/Detective Conan
Pairings: establied Heiji/Shinichi
Warnings: discussion of murder; I mean this is Case Closed.
Word Count: 1096
Disclaimer: If I owned it, it would be slash.
Summary: Shinichi and Heiji have odd priorities.

“Where the heck are you, Shinichi? I can't believe you're an hour late on our anniversary. Did you get yourself kidnapped again? Because if you stood me up for soccer, I'm going to be pissed.”

“I didn't stand you up for soccer. I was watching the World Cup and I left when the game ended. I should have been on time.”

“So why exactly am I still sitting in this restaurant by myself? I honestly think my waitress is about to throw me out.”

“Well... I caught the six-thirty train and I was going to text you that I was on my way. But we only made it two stops before all the lights went out.”


“There was a freak power outage. Check the news and you'll see delays all down the Yamanote line.”

“I don't need to double check. I know that you ain't lying. But that still doesn't explain why you're a freakin' hour late. There’d be people committing seppuku if your train sat there for more than twenty minutes; this is Tokyo after all.”

“I’m getting to that.”

“Yeah, slowly. This isn't one of your grand deductions, Shinichi; you can skip right to the end.”

“Actually, about that...”

“Are you serious?”

“The carriage was only dark for a few seconds but when the backup lights came on, a man had been stabbed to death a few seats down from me.”

“So why didn't you call me? If you said there'd been a murder, you know I would have come. I mean, I shouldn't even be surprised at this point. You find crime scenes everywhere.”

“We were in a tunnel, Heiji, and I was hoping that I could find the killer quickly. That way I would have reached the restaurant still more or less on time. I know how important this evening is to you.”

“Yeah, because we'd be spending it together... Was it a tricky case at least?”

“You really want to hear about it? I thought that you were angry.”

“I am angry. But I'm also freaking bored. I've been sitting here for an hour eating bread and appetizers and the least you could do is tell me a decent story now.”

“You might be disappointed.”

“Don't be an idiot, babe. You could never disappoint me with your deductive skills. Now tell me everything.”

“All right then. Here are the facts. The dead man was in his thirties and had been stabbed half a dozen times right in the neck. He was wearing an expensive suit and there was a locked briefcase handcuffed to his wrist.”

“A briefcase? Seriously? Was he transporting diamonds or something?”

“Got it in one.”

“What kinda idiot takes diamonds on the subway?”

“A very dead one. According to his wallet, his name was Tajima Ren and he owned a jewelry shop in eastern Tokyo.”

“So a robbery then? Or maybe some kind of scam... But hey, if the case was locked, how are you so certain it held diamonds? It could have been anything.”

“The police broke the briefcase open after they arrived.”

“The killer didn't take it? Did they even try? Nah... this murder wasn't about the diamonds, was it? A jewel thief would have planned the whole thing better. They would have brought something to cut the handcuffs and killed Tajima somewhere that they could get away. So it was a crime of passion. What was he killed with, anyway?”

“A mechanical pencil. The metal tip went right into his throat.”

“Ugh, don't tell me that. I'm eating.”

“You're the one who asked. Though I have to admit, that's a new one for me. Tajima bled out in seconds and never knew what happened but the killer just kept stabbing anyway.”

“Definitely a crime of passion then. And no minor criminal could have planned a subway blackout. I thought that seemed a bit convenient. The kind of people who could do that wouldn't waste their time on diamonds or murdering one guy... You found the killer on the train, didn't you? Some freaked out guy trying to hide until he could get away.”

“He was in the bathroom. He tried to flush his blood-stained clothing and caused a minor flood. I had him well subdued before the train reached the next station and the police could take him into their custody.”

“Poor bastard. It was just his luck that you were there.”

“True enough... Hey, Heiji, do you ever wonder why we run into so many murderers? Like our presence makes them happen somehow?”

“Don't be silly, most of the people that we capture have been planning things for weeks. Sure we tend to run across dead bodies, but we also don't try to avoid them the way most people do. I mean, the average Joe is more likely to run away from a murder than run toward it and you know we're not like that. So tell me, out of curiosity, did your killer give a reason?”

“Yes. He broke almost immediately and gave a full confession. Apparently he'd just found out that Tajima was sleeping with his wife and snapped from jealousy. The blackout was nothing but a strange coincidence.”

“What are the odds, right? Though this wasn't nearly as interesting as our usual cases. No master plans or strange conspiracies. And you still should have been here earlier.”

“I know, I'm sorry. But I got a bit bloody when restraining the murderer so Megure offered me a lift down to the station to clean up. And then he wanted to talk to me about the case; you know how that man gets about his paperwork.”

“Yeah, yeah. If you're talking to me, you must be finished, right? Does that mean you're going to make this dinner soon?”

“Well, about that. I'm on my way right now and I think we're only about five minutes out. But when Megure broke open Tajima's case, there were clues leading to a ring of diamond smugglers. He's planning to raid them tonight before they hear about the murder and he said that we could come.”

“Did you say diamond smugglers? Fuck it, babe, I forgive you. And you know I'm in. I'll pay my tab and meet you on the sidewalk as soon as possible.”

“Glad to hear it. And Heiji? Happy anniversary.”