Antarctica-or-bust (rata_toskr) wrote,

can't feel a thing

Title: can't feel a thing
Fandoms: Pacific Rim & Sons of Anarchy
Series: All I Ever was
Pairing: Jax (Raleigh)/Opie Winston
Rating: NSFW, angst
Word Count: 3172
Disclaimer: If I owned this, the right people would have died.
Summary: Raleigh returns to Charming after Yancy dies.

Opie isn't sleeping when the doorbell rings. He hasn't slept easily in weeks, not since he saw the wreck of Gipsy Danger splashed across the evening news.

He’d frozen at the sight, his beer bottle slipping from numb fingers as he stared at his TV. Opie barely heard the news announcer explaining what happened; he was too busy panicking. But he heard her say that one of the Becket Boys was dead and he heard her say it wasn't Raleigh. He still feels guilty about the sheer relief that had swept over him.

Opie had liked Yancy the few times they’d met each other and he certainly hadn't wished for the other man to die. But Jax was Jax and given the choice, Opie would pick him over almost anyone. Jax and his daughters, those were his priorities, and he would have given anything to know that his best friend was all right.

Unfortunately, Opie was forced to burn a dozen contacts just to discover that the blond was in a coma in Alaska and while he was tempted to fly up there, he knew he'd get arrested before he reached the hospital. The PPDC had made its feelings on Raleigh Becket's past very, very clear and Opie didn't want to cause him any trouble; his contacts had said that Jax’s position might be on shaky ground.

So he forced himself to wait, scanning the news reports for information and dreaming of the Kaiju when he slept at all. He dreamed of those monsters marching over California, dreamed of his girls screaming as Gipsy was struck down, and he chucked up his dinner more than once when he awoke.

Opie was almost glad that Donna had finally given up on him a few weeks earlier. He wouldn’t want to put her through this and it was hard enough to keep his worry hidden from his daughters on the weekends they were home. Insomnia and nightmares have become his bosom buddies and at first he thinks that it’s another dream when he hears the doorbell ring. Some of Opie’s nightmares have started just like this, dreams where faceless men in ranger suits come to tell him Jax has died.

But then the doorbell rings again and again, long slow buzzes like someone is leaning on the button heavily. The noise doesn't stop and his dreams have never been this damn annoying; his nightmares tend towards horror instead of minor irritation and so this must be real.

At this hour, it's probably one of Opie’s girls or an urgent messenger from Gemma, which means he can’t ignore it like he really wants to do. Instead Opie rolls out of his bed with a low groan. He doesn’t bother to get dressed, just throws on some old sweats and stumbles down the stairs.

“Jesus Christ, what is it?” he snarls as he throws the door wide open. But when Opie sees his visitor, all his anger dies.

“Jax? Is that you?” he asks, staring at the other man in shock. His knees feel a little shaky and he grips the doorframe tightly until the world stops spinning. Then he reaches out to tug his friend inside. “Man, you look like shit. Get your ass in here.”

“Thanks, Ope,” the blond murmurs, pushing himself upright from where he'd been leaning on the bell. “Sorry 'bout the time.”

“Don't be stupid. You know you're always welcome,” Opie tells him. He shuts the door and locks it before following Jax into the kitchen and turning on the lights. The other man really does look awful: his eyes are bruised and haunted, and he's moving stiffly, holding his arms out carefully like even breathing hurts.

“Damn, Jax, you look like you’ve been run over by a semi. Shouldn't you be in the hospital?” Opie asks, looking the blond over worriedly. “You know I’m glad to see you but I’m no kind of doctor. And what are you doing back in Charming anyway? Should I expect a bunch of rangers to be kicking down my door?”

To tell the truth, he's mostly teasing – except about the hospital – since Jax has never cared that much about the rules before. But this time is different. Opie is caught off guard when his friend’s face crumples, twisting with a grief so sharp he can feel the phantom pain.

“They threw me out,” Jax tells him, pitching forward to lean against his chest. “A single ranger's useless, just a burden, and they don't think I'm worth the effort anymore. Not when Yancy was the hero and I'm the dumb fuck that got him killed. He's dead because of me.”

Opie’s first instinct is to protest and his second is to hunt down whichever person put those thoughts in his friend’s head. But he can’t leave Jax alone to brood in misery and while he’s never been much for talking about this kind of thing, he's trying to be better; he's seen the blond go mad with grief before.

“It's not your fault,” Opie he says, wrapping his arms around the other man’s shoulders carefully. “The only ones to blame are the damn Kaiju. I know you did your best. You killed that monster, didn't you?”

“Not fast enough,” Jax murmurs, his voice cracking on the words. He tries to keep himself together but it’s a lost cause and he buries his face in Opie's chest to hide the tears.

Soon Jax is crying so hard that he can barely breathe; great hiccupping sobs that make him wince in agony. All Opie can do is hold on as his friend shakes apart and it feels like forever before his tears begin to slow. The other man’s grief has been wrung dry more by exhaustion than catharsis and he sways on his feet when Opie ducks down to check on him.

“Come on, pal. Let's get you warmed up,” he murmurs, brushing Jax’s bangs out of his face. He takes the blond by the hand and leads him upstairs, walking into the master bathroom and starting the shower while Jax just stands there docily. The other man is shivering, his arms curled around his body, and Opie doesn't bother to ask if he can manage on his own. He simply nudges the blond over and starts to strip him down.

He barely needs to look at what he’s doing. Opie has done this a thousand times over the years, stripping his friend in the dark and in the daylight, locked away inside his room or rutting together in some dirty bathroom stall. He spent hours learning the planes of Jax's body, knows the strength and shape of it, and the other man has only grown more attractive despite his added scars.

However, even though it’s been forever since the last time, Opie doesn’t allow his eyes to linger. He’s here to help not take advantage so he doesn’t lean in to tease or taste the way he has before; he just winces in sympathy at the set of half-healed burns that trail down Jax's arm. Opie pulls his first aid kit out from under the sink and wraps the injuries carefully before nudging the blond into the shower. Then he strips down to his boxers and grabs the softest washcloth that Donna left behind.

Opie joins the other man beneath the water and while this shower always seemed a bit too large for him and Donna, he’s grateful for the extra space tonight. He starts to wash the other man off gently, trying to show him that he's still loved and cared for, that he'll always have a place with Opie no matter what occurs.

Jax still isn't moving much, worn out with grief and pain. But he pushes into Opie's hands when they run across his shoulders and makes a small noise of pleasure when Opie starts to wash his hair. He kneads the other man's scalp, massaging as much as cleaning, and Jax is nearly boneless by the time he rinses the last of the soap suds down the drain.

“Come on, pal, let's get you to bed,” Opie says, turning off the shower and grabbing a few towels to dry them off. He's expecting Jax to crash as soon as he sees a pillow and that's probably for the best. Let him sleep off his exhaustion before they sit down to figure out what happens next.

Opie is already thinking about what to cook for breakfast – and trying to remember if he actually has bacon – when the blond leans up to kiss him suddenly. The kiss is fierce and almost desperate but Jax tastes as sweet as always and it takes everything Opie has to nudge him back again.

“We don't have to do this now,” he says, holding the blond steady. “Not like I’m gonna hate you if you don’t put out tonight.”

“I know that, Ope,” Jax promises. “But I need this. Please, I just need to forget.”

This is not a good idea. If they’ve proved anything over the years, it’s that sex alone won’t fix their problems and one wrong move might reopen Jax’s injuries. But the blond won’t sleep if he feels guilty and sex might help with that. The other man has always held his pain too close, shoving his emotions down until they explode like shrapnel and if Opie can knock Jax from his brooding, they’ll have a better chance of talking afterward.

“Okay, Jax,” he murmurs. “I'll take care of you.”

Opie puts words to action and kisses Jax again, keeping his touch gentle until the blond melts into him. He lays the other man down on his bed without ever breaking contact, deepening their kisses as his hands stroke over skin. He maps out Jax's bruises so he knows where he can hold him and then he sets his mind to driving the other man insane.

There's a spot by the blond's jaw that's always made him shudder, and he lets out a loud moan when Opie strokes it with his thumb. He nips and sucks his way down Jax's body, holding him still when his hips push into Opie's hands.

“Easy there,” he murmurs, sucking another bruise into the hollow of his skin. “Just lay back and let me give you what you need.”

“Then do it fucking faster,” the blond snaps back at him and Opie has to chuckle at the hint of his old fight.

“So impatient. Don't you know that good things come to those who wait?”

Before the other man can retort, Opie wraps his mouth around his cock. Jax lets out a strangled gasp, his hips bucking helplessly, and Opie needs all his strength to hold him still. He pins Jax to the bed and takes him even deeper, swallowing around his dick until he gags. Opie is a little out of practice, his jaw already twinging, but he doesn’t pull away. The other man is hot and heavy on his tongue and the scent of his desire is making Opie ache.

He's missed Jax since the blond became a ranger, missed him long before that when they'd lived on hidden moments and kisses in the dark. But now his friend is right here with him, warm and strong and beautiful even beat up as he is. Jax is a feast below him and Opie wants nothing more than to make him sing. He wants to turn his pain to pleasure and take care of the other man like he never could before.

Opie pulls off Jax’s dick with a wet pop, stroking him lightly as he groans with disappointment and tries to tug him back. However, his hands are weak and grasping and Opie just slides lower, giving the other man’s dick one last slow lick before nudging his legs apart.

The first touch against Jax’s hole makes him shudder, hips jerking toward Opie’s finger. But he doesn’t push, not yet. Instead, he rests the blond's leg on his shoulder and leans in for a taste. Tongue and fingers tease across his entrance, the tip of Opie's thumb stroking against that soft pink furl. He presses a little harder, pulling the blond open so that he can dip his tongue inside.

Jax moans loudly when Opie licks across his hole, thighs trembling against the bed as he shoves into the touch. Opie has to hold him tight to keep him still, fingers digging into the blond’s skin as he thrusts his tongue in hard. The other man is tight but Opie is determined, urged on by his groans as he shoves forward. He pushes as deep as he can before drawing back again, slicking a finger and using it to spread Jax wider for his tongue.

The other man lets out a moan as Opie works him open, his voice cracking with his need. He alternates thrusts of tongue and finger, brushing Jax’s prostate while licking across his hole again. The blond shudders underneath him and the noise he makes when Opie grinds against him isn’t words at all. Jax is wet with lube and spit, his entrance practically dripping as it clenches around his tongue. The other man is close to begging, his cock standing tall and proud, but Opie ignores it like he’s ignoring the ache in his own groin.

Instead he gives Jax another finger before pulling back to get a better view. He loves the sight of the blond’s rim stretching even further, his hole slick and shining as it swallows Opie down. There’s almost no resistance when he shoves in deeper, his fingers disappearing into Jax's ass. Pulling out is harder, the other man's body dragging at him, hungry and desperate until he thrusts back in again.

“Please, fuck, Opie. Please,” Jax gasps out above him and pushes into Opie's hand. So he adds another finger to make him writhe against the mattress, his voice breaking on a keen. The blond shudders when Opie strokes across his prostate, his whole body straining closer and his cock flushed red. He’s on the edge already but too stubborn to let go.

So Opie lifts himself up on his elbows and swallows Jax again. He thrusts his fingers deep as his nose hits the blond’s skin and when he starts to suck, the other man comes with a loud cry.

Opie coughs and swallows, finger-fucking Jax straight through the aftershocks. He only pulls away when the other man goes limp, whining his discomfort at the drag of Opie's tongue across his skin. Then he eases his fingers free of Jax's body and he's prepared to take care of his own business in the bathroom if his friend will only sleep.

But when he glances at the other man's face, he can see him thinking, the bliss of pleasure already replaced by the weight of memory. So Opie crawls up the length of Jax's body and takes his face between his hands.

“Look at me,” he orders. “Be here with me. You don’t need to think about the world outside right now.”

“Sorry,” the blond apologizes, his attention snapping back to Opie from wherever he had gone.

“It’s okay. I get it. Just stay with me if you can.”

Then Opie claims his mouth again, surging forward with a hungry, scorching kiss. The other man meets him in kind, falling into Opie's touch a bit too desperately. He may have gotten off but he still hasn't found release from the demons in his head.

So Opie shoves open Jax’s lips and lets him taste his essence on his tongue. He kisses filthily, ceaselessly even as his fingers slip along the other's thighs. The blond lets his legs fall open, making room for Opie, and he barely even pauses before lining up his cock. Opie thrusts home in one quick move, letting out a groan as tight heat wraps around him. He's as rough as he dares to be, holding most of his weight off Jax's body while fucking into him.

Opie knows he won't last long. But he needs the blond to lose it first, needs to drive him so out of his mind with pleasure that he stops thinking until dawn. So he wraps his hand around Jax's cock and strokes him to full hardness. The other man is shaking underneath him, caught on the edge of over-stimulation as Opie rides him hard. But he reaches towards Opie instead of telling him to stop, his hands clutching at his shoulders and his gasps filling up the room.

“Come on, babe. Just let go,” Opie says, stroking the blond faster. He catches Jax’s gaze and promises, “I’ve got you now.”


His friend’s voice cracks on the word, eyes fluttering shut as he comes again. Jax tightens around Opie's cock and with one more thrust, he follows the blond over. He buries his face in Jax's shoulder and groans his name aloud as pleasure rushes through him, whiting out his mind.

He stays there for a moment, breathing in the familiar scent of sex and sweat that sticks to Jax's skin. Opie could happily stay right here forever but eventually he has to move again. Jax curls onto his side when Opie pulls out and lies down next to him, the blond giving him a faint smile before tucking his head against his chest. Opie wraps an arm around him and he feels the moment Jax starts shaking, when his control breaks and he allows himself to weep again.

Opie holds the other man tight as he cries for the man who might have been his brother, who was his brother in everything but blood. He strokes Jax's hair and murmurs words of comfort, waiting until he sobs himself to sleep before getting out of bed. The blond barely stirs as Opie cleans him off but he thinks Jax looks a little lighter than he did when he arrived.

So he joins his friend beneath the covers, slinging one arm loosely round his waist before letting out a giant yawn. Now that Opie knows Jax is alive all those sleepless nights are catching up to him and he pulls the other man a little closer as he settles himself down.

Morning will show up soon enough and they can talk about the future then, actual talking with words and everything. He knows this was only the tip of the iceberg and Jax still has a lot of healing left to do. But the blond has made it home and the two of them are in this thing together; Opie won’t let his best friend crumble, not this time.

So he drifts off to sleep with a faint smile on his lips and for the first time in weeks, Opie doesn’t dream at all.

When he wakes up, Jax is gone.


Tags: all i ever was*, angst, au, crossover, fic, jax/opie, nsfw, pacific rim, preseries, sons of anarchy
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