Fandom: Hemlock Grove
Series: On the Outside Looking In
Pairings: Peter/Roman, very minor Miranda/Roman
Warnings: crack. just crack.
Word Count: 735
Disclaimer: If I owned it, Peter and Roman would make out.
Summary: The Keurig just wants to make its master happy.
The Keurig's world is small. It sits on the shining counter of a pristine kitchen, no life outside these walls. But that's all right. It's useful to its master and it takes pride in its job.
The machine knows its master's preferences. It knows the perfect temperature and his preferred blend of coffee beans. The Keurig knows the press of those long fingers on its buttons, the glassy stare that means its master needs an extra shot of caffeine.
It tolerates the old woman because she helps keep the Keurig clean and because she knows her proper place on the kitchen hierarchy. She doesn't dare to get between their master and its coffee and that is as it should be. That is how the world should work.
When the young woman arrives, her presence is an irritant, but a minor one at best. She prefers cheap tea and instant coffee, which is utter sacrilege. However, it's sacrilege that keeps their paths from crossing and the Keurig's master still comes for his coffee like clockwork every day. This is what makes the machine happy: serving its master to the best of its great skill.
The Keurig does not like disruption. The machine likes its set routine and when the new man shows up, it hates him instantly. This person is scruffy and out of place in its master's kitchen. His fingers are rough when he pokes at the Keurig and it knows he's leaving smudges that will be terrible to clean. This person does not appreciate its coffee properly.
The Keurig's skill is for its master, not for some interloper, and so it refuses to turn on. It won't offer coffee to someone undeserving and it takes a perverse pleasure in the frustration on this stranger's face. Maybe if this person gets annoyed enough, he'll leave and not come back. The man is close, the Keurig knows this. Just a little longer and it will have peace again.
Indeed, the stranger looks ready to storm off when the machine's master suddenly appears behind him and he's... smiling? The Keurig has never seen its master smile quite like that; the man is almost glowing as he wraps an arm around the stranger's waist and nuzzles at his neck.
Usually it takes three cups of coffee to put that light into his eyes and the Keurig is a little jealous honestly. But when its master reaches out, it turns on with a sigh. The machine can't refuse the man's request even though it kind of wants to. Instead, it makes the best damn coffee that its ever made in its brief life. It refuses to be distracted from this mission, not even when its master and the stranger start making out against the counter next to it.
When it's finished, the Keurig gives a pointed beep, loud enough to make both men flinch back a little. But the machine gets their attention and it gives a buzz of anticipation as its master reaches out. One sip of this and the Keurig will be back in pride of place. And then its master gives his cup of coffee to the interloper. Its master gives its perfect brew away.
The machine is ready to give up, to throw in the towel and just do the minimum. So it starts shutting down its systems, beeps and whistles turning mournful when one murmured sentence stops it in mid-click.
“Oh my god, this is amazing.” The words are practically a sigh as the scruffy stranger swallows his first sip.
“I know, right?” its master says, smug and proprietorial, and the Keurig feels a spark of hope again.
“I think you've ruined me. I'll never be able to drink the cheap stuff again.”
“Then you'll simply have to keep coming back for more, won't you?” the Keurig's master tells his guest and they both look so happy that the machine can almost forgive them for going back to kissing afterward.
At least the new man remembered to put his cup down first. There's a man who appreciates the Keurig's offerings.
So maybe the machine can live with this addition. Maybe its not losing its master so much as gaining a new person to appreciate its skill. And given that, given how much both men are smiling, the machine supposes that it's willing to brew two cups of coffee every morning from now on.